“How do I be someone else?” became such an obsessive question that when it came to it I failed to see how I have. After Reykjavik I signed up for the Amsterdam full because I didn’t feel any sense of accomplishment. I grabbed my bag from the drop, had a bit of a cry outside on the steps, went back to the hotel to rest, and that was that. Three days later I changed my Amsterdam registration from half to full and threw myself right back into the training grind.
And so I ran and trained and ground out kilometres and hills when I would rather have sat on a couch and watched Netflix. In last Saturday’s half I felt so worn in the last few kilometres that I just didn’t care. All I wanted was to collect my medal and go meet my partner.
On Monday I went and cancelled Amsterdam. I’m wrecked. I can stop running for a bit.