My friend began to blog again, which made me feel guilty over my lack of attention here. Everything in my head has become such a thing that Sarah joke “I am the night!” with me. Whenever I come back here the post I want to write tries to hijack the blogging space as another struggle-piece. […]
My last therapist told me part of why I struggle to find words for my emotions is that I rationalize over them. It sounds a bit dumb, so bear with me for a moment for an analogy with endurance running. The farther I run, the father and faster I can run. While there are techniques […]
“How do I be someone else?” became such an obsessive question that when it came to it I failed to see how I have. After Reykjavik I signed up for the Amsterdam full because I didn’t feel any sense of accomplishment. I grabbed my bag from the drop, had a bit of a cry outside […]
Taken at the 2019 KBC Dublin Half Marathon in Phoenix Park, Saturday September 21. Look at that beard. Swoon at those specs.
De straatveger binnen maakte me wakker, ugh. Sinds de lente heb ik blijf om Nederlands te leren, tot nu wanneer kan ik kort zin schrijven! In oktober ik ga naar Amsterdam voor de Mizuno Halve Marathon te lopen, en misschien ook in november voor Le Guess Who in Utretcht. Ik heb alleen paar Nederlands woorden […]
The one rule I have kept to with this blog since the first day has been: write only when I feel like it. If the mood doesn’t take me, then I don’t. Well, truth be told here, the mood hasn’t taken me in some months. The first and big obvious reason for not writing has […]
This recipe has been an on-and-off staple of my home cooking since 2009. Last presented here in 2013, my chili has evolved with my tastes. These days I mostly eat vegetarian food, and have gotten over my earlier distaste of kidney beans. Speaking only for myself, I’ve desensitized by palette to hot and spicy food. […]
The past month has been a bit mad for me. I ran in three races over three weekend at the same time I completed a cross-country house move. So, move! It’s no secret that I haven’t been at all happy in Dublin over the past two years. It reached the point that the only thing […]
Ja, ik weet dat ik hier vaak klagen, maar…ik ben gelukkig. Ik werk, ren, drenk bier en leer Nederlands. Alles is goed. :)
Today I’m on a self-enforced day of bed rest because I have the literal death plague in me. The problem with being sick is that I can’t my own lazy hands. The longer I stare at the wall, the more I itch to do something. It hasn’t helped that torn ligaments in my knee have […]
The hardest thing for me to do over the last few months has been to separate my expectations of other peoples's expectations of what I should feel, from what I expect I should I feel, from what I think I feel, from what I feel.
My thoughts on social media and how I'm removing myself from it.
There are moments when I find myself held up in reflects, moments for me to gaze upon this self-made bitter man. The past 18 months has been the most challenging and rewarding period of my life. After April 2017 I put forward every effort to challenge-change!-the ways I hurt people. I ended those relationships I […]
What's a mountain for except a quick selfie? Taken on Croagh Patrick in Mayo, October 27 2018.
Through reason, sanity.
With Storm Helene due to make landfall over Ireland tonight, I went up and out on my bicycle around the south city out as far as the foothills.
When you put shit in, you get shit out. At last, today, it occurred to me that I haven’t been kind to myself over the past month. Two years ago I learned that I only know when I’m stressed or angry or upset are in the ways I express them. Like that I eat junk […]
I can't get over the difference between me then and me now.
The first cycle-cycle, that is, because trips to and from town in Galway don’t count. Back in Vegas I used to cycle to work: take the bus part way, cycle the balance. I stopped (no bicycle) after I got back to Ireland, so I’m looking forward to the route to Howth. There are few words […]
I am here, now. Mark now is Mark now. Mark then was Mark then. I’m not him. Last year has gone and next year will come. Everything in its own time. Tomorrow is tomorrow, yesterday is yesterday. Breathe in now, breathe out here. Here is here, there is there. Now is now. Here, now breathe […]
It’s a bit of a fail when I have to work from home, but when I do its the cosiest place to be.
Weights and scales and charts and numbers are all well and good, but it’s the new hole I punched in my belt today that’s the visceral sign of losing weight. I’ve used each notch at one time or another.
I have been an abuser. I committed physical violence against my spouse and children. For the longest time I manipulated and isolated my spouse, played them against their family and friends. Gaslighted and undermined. I attempted to control them by withholding money. I cheated on both my spouse and long-term partner. I’ve been that oily […]
Given my personal history, how we grant agency has been a topic I’ve wanted to explore for a while. Despite her book’s many other problems, in Why Does He Do That? Lundy Bancroft shows insight when she describes abusive decision as a function of the abuser’s value system. Each person has a decision structure-their value […]
Taken on my way down from Fairy Castle today. Yes, that’s ice. The weather was fucking brutal on top.
Over the last few months I’ve lost a bunch of weight-and continue to do so. At any given point, now will be lowest weight I’ve reached as an adult. Along the way here I learned the fundamental of compassion. With it have been able to reach out to the people in my life and become […]
Effect matters more than intent. It doesn’t matter a whit that I tell you what I intended, when the way I affected you has been are the clear opposite. Consequences are asymptotic-they echo on for years and only slowly taper. The foundation of a good life lies in the ability able to balance your needs […]
Because I’m awesome and handsome and manly. And hairy and wrinkly. Featuring grey hair. Umm. ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ ?
As I said last night on Instagram, I can’t get over how much my face has changed through my weight loss.